Hopefully you all are relaxing with a glass of wine or a beer! I just got home from work about an hour ago and I just wanted to have a quick chat…
I wanted to talk about a topic that truly pisses me off. Have you moms or dads ever had someone ask you when you are going to have another child? Or maybe you’ve been asked if you’re going to have one at all! I don’t know about you but I personally feel that it is truly no ones damn business whether or not I’m going to decide to have another child.
Over the past several months this has truly been a topic of discussion among friends and family. “Jenny when are you going to give Brayden a baby brother or sister” or “Jenny you know you can’t only have one child, Brayden will be lonely.”
So first of all there is nothing wrong with having a child be an only child. Honestly an only child might actually get more love and support from a parent because there is no brother or sister to divide attention with. Let’s be honest here there is only so much time and love you can give in one day so dividing it evenly must be a project. Secondly what if I as a parent just don’t want to be pregnant or give birth again. If you’ve been pregnant and have given birth you know what I mean… there are some glorious parts for sure but it’s also extremely disgusting and oh ya did I mention painful!
I became a mother at 25…I know what you’re thinking, that 25 isn’t that young. In my opinion that is where you’re wrong. Sure it’s not like I was 17 or 18 but at 25 I still had a lot of life to live before becoming a mother. My son is definitely the best and most important thing in my life but I would also like to live parts of my life that I missed when I was 25. I could afford to give my son more if he is an only child, I could spend more time with him, I could travel him with easier to places all around the world, we could have a better chance at having a bond that can’t be broken. I know I know there are probably some eye rolls from some of you reading this because you think I’m a bad mom for saying that. Well guess what? I’m not. I’m just a woman who wants to enjoy the one life she gets to live with her amazing son the way that she wants to. For the record having another child is not out of the question for me, it just isn’t in my immediate future and the only person that will decide if/ when I have another one is me. So for the love of God stop asking me when I will be expanding my family. When I figure it out I’ll make sure you’re on speed dial so I can tell you!
Now lets move on to the next part of this equation. Why do others feel the need to ask a woman, man or couple when they are going to have a child? Listen I can totally understand a mother asking her married daughter or son like once maybe twice. The difference is to hound anyone family or not about a ticking maternal time clock is just messed up. How do you know whether or not that couple has been trying but they have been unable to conceive? Or maybe that couple has a condition where they can not have children. I once was helping someone find information on fertility at work… so I helped her find exactly what she needed. She then proceeded to open up to me about how difficult of a time emotionally it has been for her and her husband. She spoke to me about how her family has been pressuring her but they don’t have the slightest idea that they are struggling. I felt so terrible for her so I did what any person should do. I let her vent it out to me and was there to just be an ear. It was the least I could do for her but what she did for me was much more. She truly helped me realize how there are no limits to what the public asks or says and that the impact can truly be damaging.
So lets just set this record straight don’t constantly ask women, men or couples about how many children they are going to have or when they are going to start trying because time is ticking quickly.
If you have ever experienced anything like this please share your experience! It’s about time our frustrated voices are heard on such an emotional topic.